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To be shunned and castrated from your life-love demanded more than just soft words and idle threats. Yet I still cling to inane attempts at saving face or dreams “I love you,”- how foolish that must sound to the strong and the bold. “I love you,”- yes goddamn you, I wish I had never spoken those words. I found myself smiling with embarrassment and humiliation. Yet I still dream- even now- there are no escapes from my prison. I am forced to move forward and never, ever look back. For my passions are not lighthearted in nature, neither are they lacking in enthusiasm. And for those of you that dismiss my endeavors with not so much as an acknowledgement, I say to you, we are of one body and one soul bounded throughout eternity. I still grow tired reasoning- for we are what we are, nothing less and certainly nothing more. We the pathetic, the loathsome that come together in a place and time that is neither recognized nor damned by God. I reach out my hand heavenward and touch his. E. worshipping at a distance, and my hope was that I would be allowed into Her presence, which happened with three Goddesses. With Miss Melanie, I went to see Her in Her studio, so it was actually the other way round – after Worship Sessions I’d send Her more material by post, as well as bring it with me to Worship Sessions. A bit of background – the first 2 or 3 Worship Sessions were in the studio, called Terri’s Glamourworld, run by the man who was later to become Her husband. I guess the studio didn’t work out cause all the later Sessions were at Her homes (She moved several times over the 6 or 7 years I worshipped Her). The next few Sessions were at his house with his then-wife, and Miss Melanie (She called Herself Lisa then) was staying there for some reason. It turned out they were ‘having it off’ – I think that’s the correct expression – and my Worship Sessions gave them the opportunity to ‘do it’, so I was allowed only 5 or 10 minutes to pick up my 3 packs of photos, hand Her.
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